Things I Hate/Depress me about the UK
Never being met at Heathrow airport except by a fat guy named Les or Stu, or some variation, with my name written in felt pen on a sign.
Heathrow airport
Grey, drizzly overcast weather-seems to arrive every weekend
The Royal Family
The whole “Diana was a saint” thing/industry
Public school boys
Public school girls
The parents of above
Pro hunt supporters- such a terrible shame that their way of life is threatened…..no more chasing terrified animals across fields until they’re ripped apart by baying hounds.
Animal rights protesters- Lunatics
Anti road protesters-Lunatics
Crusty travellers
The work ethic here
“Stress leave” from work- “Go ahead, take 6 months……. when you come back go on holiday for 5 weeks”
The class system- You say it’s dead, but an outsider picks up on it pretty fast. “Where did you say you were from? Wales? Funny sounds like you grew up in Knightsbridge.”
Harrods- Over priced, tacky and in Knightsbridge
Knightsbridge
Petty car crime- Don’t leave so much as a chocolate bar wrapper on your front seat or you’ll see what happens.
Estate agents-Scum
Rent in London-I know people who are 35 years old and are still sharing with 3 other people
Buying in London-How do you save for a deposit when you’re paying £1,500 a month in rent….Oh yeh, see above
Stamp duty- Just add £15K to the price of that hovel you’re going to buy
Ken Livingston
The congestion charge in London- clearing the most expensive area’s roads so that the rich bastards who live there can fire up the Bentley.
Washing machines which take 2 hours to do a load
Dryers which destroy your clothes and take 2 hours to do so.
Drying your clothes on the radiators to avoid the above….North Americans freak out when they see how “Middle Class” people dry their clothes here
Plumbing-call that a shower? It’s not nice to squat while you wash.
Trough urinals in dirty pubs- These can’t be legal?
Council tax-Always goes up and you always get less
Road tax
The TV License- A tax for what exactly?
PR’s named Pippa/India etc
“British Reserve”-translation: repressed emotional cripple
Political correctness gone mad- Councils in the UK renamed Christmas “The winter festival” this year
Knowing what the Guardian is likely to say about any issue
The lack of Father’s rights- There are none
Father’s rights protesters- Knobs dressed as comic book characters with 4 kids from three different women….ya right…. I really identify with them.
£5.12 for a pack of 20- and rising
Channel 5-watch it for 10 minutes
“Celebrity Big Brother”
Big Brother
ALL reality TV- with the exception of “cops”-Oh that’s a Yankee show.
Virgin Radio-crap, crap, crap
St Martin’s College
The Northern Line
Oxford
Slough
Reading
Birmingham
Harlow
The trains
The M25- When it’s a parking lot and you need to get somewhere
The M40- see above
The M11-see above
Heathrow
97 pence a litre…and due to go up again soon
Pitcher and Piano pubs
Firken pubs
Green man pubs
The UK version of Heineken
The UK version of Stella
The fact that Scotch is more expensive in the UK than anywhere except Japan
The fact that a barman will hand you a body temperature bottle of lager and look puzzled when you object.
£3.10 a pint
No one cleans ashtrays in bars/pubs/restaurants
Service in restaurants, bars and anywhere else you care to name
Ford fiestas
Essex
British Bull dog tattoos
England football supporters
Man United
The Conservative Party
The Lib Dems
The Labour Party
Islington
English Chinese food
British Peanut Butter
Hotels in the UK….£150 doesn’t get you much
How damn friendly and open London is
The Inland Revenue
Council flats- Living next door to someone who drives a BMW, lives on benefit and bitches about “the state of the country”
Sunday, January 08, 2006
Things I hate About the UK
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12 comments:
Welcome Home Terry.........and thanks as always for the chuckle, really needed it this week!
ok now try to come up with just half as many positives I dare anyone
Well I'm not sure New York City is that much different, especially where rent (replace 1500 pounds with 2200 dollars) and the price of cigarettes (replace 5.12 pounds with 8-10 dollars) are concerned. Just replace the following:
Heathrow with JFK;
Les or Stu with something much more difficult to pronounce and devoid of vowels;
The Royal Family with the Bush family and/or the Hiltons and/or the Trumps;
Public School with Private School;
Pro hunt with gun control;
protesters of any kind with anti-abortion activists and the squad that comes to Brooklyn and stops people on the street and says "can I pray with you today?";
crusty travellers with the droves of tourists in times square, the Circle Line, double decker Apple Tour buses, and the bridge and tunnel folks who come into the city to go to clubs with 5 stories and different music on each level, have bachelorette parties or see Broadway musicals (do we need another musical adaptation of a film or anything new from Andrew Lloyd Weber? oh wait he's British. Could you please stop inflicting him on us already?);
the work ethic with the work ethic;
stress leave with four weeks vacation (if you are lucky enough to have one of the cushy jobs that gives you more than two weeks vacation);
any of the locations you mention with Greenwich;
Estate agents with brokers (same idea);
Virgin radio with every radio station in New York except NPR;
the trains with the subways (hello, can we say transit strike?);
the UK version of any beer with Budweiser, Miller Light, Amstel Light, Coors Light, anything Light;
the lack of clean ashtrays with no ashtrays as you can't smoke anywhere (which will be another reason to hate the UK come 2007, I hear);
the conservatives and liberal dems with republicans and democrats;
Islington with the meat packing district, Williamsburg or DUMBO; and
BMW with either a hummer, an SUV or both. (I Can't speak on the peanut butter issue since I'm allergic.)
All that being said, I still think New York is the best city the US has to offer. So all you foreigners, come take a bite out of the Big Apple, and maybe catch a Broadway show!
Let's add to NYC:
- those irritatingly snotty Manhattanites who refuse to leave their neighborhoods and gasp at the thought of traveling to any other borough or even 20 blocks from their residences.
Yes, as a Brooklynite who travels between boroughs daily, I find such Manhattanites highly irritating.
C'mon people!
There are real problems in the world. The "I have not had my coffee yet" or "I am not a morning person" added to the bunch of things that irritate some of you, are so superficial compared to what some people have to face every day struggling for food or to survive.
We have it all!
Why not see that and enjoy life?
See how blessed we are to live where we live and to have what we have?
I know, complaining and seeing the negative is a lot easier.
Just as "mission impossible" said, I dare you to come up with a list of positive things -longer than the negatives-
On the bright side, at least the UK is not populated by the ubiquitous mini-malls and the "biz" that afflicts my town, Los Angeles (love films, but sometimes what comes out of Hollywood....) And that soft northern light is great for photography.....can walk around where buildings are scaled for humans not cars. Perhaps the grass is greener on the other side, but compared to LA:
-the occasional earthquake and waiting for "the big one",
-riots,
-the hours spent on traffic jammed freeways with a cel phone constantly ringing and a large cup of coffee in hand with all the other over-caffeinated drivers steeped in road rage and ready to show the bird to anyone (nothing like being flipped off by the geriatric set),
-people rarely meeting because they are in their cars - a prophylactic bubble that prevents normal social intercourse (aside from giving the finger to someone)
-It can be a lonely place - lots of space between people and lives
-The fact that geographically LA is a low desert area but we like to pretend that green lawns naturally exist here (thanks to sucking all the water from the Colorado River) - LA is immense
-the birthplace of the infamous mini-mall
-a lot of bad architecture (pastiche) and urban planning
-Pervasive Dude language - http://itre.cis.upenn.edu/~myl/languagelog/archives/001701.html
However:
-If you are not into the seasons, LA's warm weather is beguiling (tank top and short skirt in early January),
-an unusual collision of cultural boundaries for example, where Armenia town is right next to Thai town, the sushi chef is Latino, and the Japanese customer speak faultless Spanish, where the best Middle Eastern take-out is owned by a Palestinian and Israelis and LA cops haunt the place, - it breeds instances and situations of hybridity that is ever changing and exciting.
-Where being a hybrid is cool
-The coolest art museum in the world - Museum of Jurassic -Technology (mjt.org - site does not do it justice),
-the casual style
-Lots of things to do
-Great looking people if one does not mind the more than occasional plastic surgery.....
-The outdoors....and the fact that the natural landscape is very very stunning here - all within a three hour drive one can be in the desert, skiing in the mountains or surfing .... not too shabby.
So from one aspect, LA can be seen as a cake that is all icing and no substance-all glittering surface and reflection, where desire, fears and dreams are projected onto the big screen,
but existing along side the hollowness of LA, lies a more complex and slippery reality, a city that generates its energy from constant change and conflict, and constantly redefining itself.......
For everyones info "public schools" in the UK are the same as private schools everywhere else
Well mission impossible certainly showed us the glass can be half full or empty - depending on your frame of mind eh !
Grass is greener here - that's what i always say when people complain about the rain !!!!
Geez ter was kinda thinking it was time for you to leave the UK - from Dec - Mar i think - snow in driveway when already late for work!!!!!! with the added bonous of MINUS 25
better london and new york than new orleans.. stop whining.
Ya, ya, ya,....... lighten up!
you could be living in pittsburgh...
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