The last 48 hours rank up there with some of the worst. Sorry to be cryptic.....I'm just using this as a vent and I don't want to go into details. Its sad when something nice turns to dust and the hard feelings cloud the original positive vibe. Blah! I hate the situation of scratching my head and wondering how everything could have got so twisted and negative, conclusions drawn based on hurt....mistakes made, heartache and emptiness....God and 40 hours of travelling with 4 hours of snatched sleep.....I just hope that the angry messages, subside so I can breathe for awhile
Sorry for this bit of self indulgence
Terry
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4 comments:
Unfortunately all relationships--be they with friends, family, lovers--require time to work out pain and misunderstandings. When that time is not given, if you run and shut the door to resolution, only hurt and anger from the other person can follow. Its human nature. Sometimes that anger is not managed well and that is regrettable. But it happens to us all. I'm sure you've felt out of control with anger and frustration too.
You deserve happiness. We all do. But there are no shortcuts. You have to put time into those things that start nice to keep them nice. And most of all you need to find a way to give yourself the time and room to be human--to grieve, to laugh, to connect with people you love. The world isn't all bad. Sometimes you just have to focus on the sunny bits you find inthe dark. And the time you give the sunny bits is worth it. It really is in the end. Hope you feel better.
Terry - we all know the first rule of blogging so never apologize for a moment of self-indulgence. That is why your loyal viewers come visit you - we care about what's going on in your life and are always sending moral support when needed. Take a deep breath, step away from the situation mentally and emotionally, and don't beat yourself up. You are a terrific, wonderful, funny & intelligent man. "This too will pass". Here's some midwest wisdom in the form of 2 simple rules to remember - 1) Never let the things that matter most be at the mercy of those that matter least. AND 2) Don't let life stress you out - no one makes it out alive anyway.
Most importantly, remember you are NOT alone. We are all here for you.........
Now stand up tall and start kicking some ass - this pep talk is officially concluded.
KC
Terry,
It sounds like you've been hit from all sides lately. I know what that is like. I don't reaaly know what you are going through exactly but it its clear from your blog that you have a lot of work and personal pressures and some of it has you baffled. I lived my life like that for a very very long time. During a particularly bad period someone shared this with me. Its long, so i limitedit to the parts i found most helpful. I hope you get something out of it.
"Man has instincts for a purpose. Without them we wouldn't be complete human beings. If men and women didn't exert themselves to be secure in their persons, make no effort to harvest food or construct shelter ,there would be no survival. If they didn't reproduce, the earth wouldn't be populated. If there were no social instinct, if men cared nothing for the society of one another there would be no society. so these desires--for sex, for material and emotional security and for companionship are perfectly necessary and right. yet these instincts so necessary for our existence, often far exceed their proper functions. Powerfully, blindly many times subtly they drive us, dominiate us, and insist upon ruling our lives. Our desires for sex, for material and emotional security and for an important place in societyoften tyrannize us. When thus out of joint mans natural desires get him into great trouble, practically all the trouble there is. No human being, however good, is exempt from these troubles. Nearly every serious emotional problem can be seen as a case of misdirected instinct. When that happens our great natural assets, the instincts, have turned into physical and mental liabilities.
Suppose a person places sex desire ahead of everything else. In such a case, this imperious urge can destry his chances for material and emotional security as well as his standing in the community. another may develop such an obsession for financial security that he wants to do nothing but hoard money. going to the extreme, he can become a miser or even a recluse who denies himself both family and friends. Nor is the quest for security always expressed in terms of money. how frequently we see a frightened human being determined to depend completely upon a stronger person for guidance and protection. This weak one, failing to meet life's responsibilities with his own resources never grows up. Disillusionment and helplessness are his lot. In time all his protectors eitehr flee or die and he is once more left alone and afriad.
We have also seen men and women go power-mad who devote themselves to attempting to rule their fellows. These people often throw to the winds every chance for legitimate security and a happy family life. WHEREVER A HUMAN BEING BECOMES A BATTLEGROUND FOR THE INSTINCTS, THERE CAN BE NO PEACE.
Every time a person imposes his instincts unreasonably upon others unhappiness follows. If the pursuit of wealth tramples upon people who happen to be in the way, then anger jealousy and revenge are likely to be aroused. If sex runs riot, there is a similar uproar. Demands made upon other people for too much attention protection and love can only invite domination or revulsion in the protectors themselves--two emotions quite as unhealthy as the demands which evoked them. When an individuals desire for prestige becomes uncontrollable, other people suffer and often revolt. this collision of instincts can produce anything from a cold to a blazing revolution. In these ways we are set in conflict not only with ourselves but with other people who have instincts too.
All these failings generate great fear. Unreasonable fear that our instincts will not be satisfied drives us to lust for sex and power, to become angry when our instinctive demands are threatened, to be envious when the ambitions of others seem to be realized while ours are not. We eat, drink and grab for more than we need fearing we shall never have enough. These fears are termites that ceaselessly devour the foundations of whatever sort of life we try to build.
We must find exactly how, when and where our natural desires have warped us. We must look squarely at the unhappiness this has caused others and ourselves.By discovering what our emotional deformities are, we can move toward correction.
This perverse soul-sickness is not pleasant to look upon. Instincts on rampage balk at investigation. The minute a serious attempt to probe them, we are liable to suffer severe reactions. If tempermentally depressive, we are apt to be swamped with guilt and self loating. We wallow in this messy bog often getting a misshapen and painful pleasure out of it. As we morbidly pursue this melancholy activity we may sink to such a point of despair that nothing but oblivion looks possible as a solution. Here of course we have lost all perspective and therefore all genuine humility. For this is pride in reverse. If we are inclined to self righteousnouse and grandiosity our reaction will be the oppsoite. No doubt we shall point with pride to the good lives we thought we led. We also clutch at another wonderful excuse for avoiding self-investigation. Our present anxieties and troubles, we cry, are caused by the behavior of other people--people who really need self-investigation. We aren't the guilty ones they are.
We must learn that something has to be done about our vengeful resentments selfpity and unwarranted pride. We have to see that every time we played the big shot, we turned people against us. We have to see that when we harbor grudges and plan revenge for such defeats,we are really beating ourselves with the club of anger we had intended to use on others. We must learn that if we are seriously disturbed our first need is to quiet that disturbance regardless of who or what thought caused it.
To see how erratic emotions victimize us takes a long time. We can perceive them quickly in others, but only slowly in ourselves. We must ask ourselves, for example, when, and how, and in just what instances did my selfish pursuit of sex damage other people and me? What people were hurt and how badly? Just HOW DID I REACT to these situations ant the time? Did I burn with guilt that nothing could extinguish? Did I insist that I was the pursued and not the pursuer and thus absolve myself? How have I reacted to the frustration in sexual matters? When denied, did I become vengeful or depressed? Did I take it out on other people? If there was rejection or coldness at hoome, did I use this as a reason for promiscuity?
In areas of financial and emotional security we mast ask, did fear and inferioriety about my fitness for my job destroy my confidence and fill me with conflict? Did I try to cover up those feelings of inadequacy by bluffing cheating lying or evading responsibility? Do I overvaule myself and play the bit shot? do I have such unprincipled ambition that I double cross and undercut my associate?
It is from our twisted family rrelations with family friends and society at large that many of us have suffered the most form insecurity. We have been especially stupid and stubborn about them. The primary fact that we fail to recognize is our total inability form a true partnership with another human being. Our egomania digs two disastrous pitfalls. Either we insist upon dominating the people we know or we depend upon them far to much. If we lean too heavily on people, they will sooner or later fail us, for they are human too and cannot possibly meet or incessant demands. In this way our insecurity grows and festors. When we habitually try to manipualate others to our own willful desires, they revolt and resist us heavily. Then we develop hurt feelings, a sense of persecution and a desire to retaliate. As we redouble our efforts at control, and contnue to fail, our suffering becomes accute and constant. We have not once sought to be one in a family, to be a frined among frineds, to be a worker among workders, to be auseful member of society. Always we tried to struggle to the top of the heap or to hide underneath it. This self centered behavior blocked a partnership relation with any one of those about us. Of true brotherhood we had small comprehension."
There's a lot more but the point is that the clash of instincts can explain a lot about how those angry messages. And self examination about how your own natural instincts go awry may help you to minimize or if not avoid such things in the future. Best of luck, man. I hope to see happier reports in the future.
Hey Ter
you really have alive support group on this site.obviously of people who really care about you. glad you are venting and can get some really nice caring sensible words from ie kcbomber and co - man you just need to chill out and call your sister a bit more often think you need a hot tub with hollie
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