First off, I guess I need to buy quite a bit of Vodka! Everyone got it right!
Another day in the UK and no sleep for the next 24 hours. My flight has been delayed 18 hours and I now leave at 3 am. The next post will be from India I promise.
Someone sent me the story below. If you don't follow Brit politics (and why would you?) you probably won't understand it other than the right wing (ish) message. The absurdities and tyranny of PC zealots in this country sometimes makes me despair.
The Squirrel and the Grasshopper:
THE UK VERSION:
The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.
A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press conference and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like the grasshopper, are cold and starving.
The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper; with cuts to a video of the squirrel in his comfortable warm home with a table laden with food.
The British press inform people that they should be ashamed that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so while others have plenty.
The Labour Party, Greenpeace, Animal Rights and The Grasshopper Council of GB demonstrate in front of the squirrel's house.
The BBC, interrupting a cultural festival special from Notting Hill with breaking news, broadcasts a multi cultural choir singing "We Shall Overcome".
Ken Livingstone rants in an interview with Trevor McDonald that the squirrel got rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the squirrel to make him pay his "fair share" and increases the charge for squirrels to enter inner London.
In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of the summer.
The squirrel's taxes are reassessed.
He is taken to court and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as builders for the work he was doing on his home and an additional fine for contempt when he told the court the grasshopper did not want to work.
The grasshopper is provided with a council house, financial aid to furnish it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he can be socially mobile.
The squirrel's food is seized and re distributed to the more needy members of society, in this case the grasshopper.
Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his newly imposed retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and start building a new home.
The local authority takes over his old home and utilises it as a temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had hijacked a plane to get to Britain as they had to share their country of origin with mice. On arrival they tried to blow up the airport because of Britain's apparent love of dogs.
The cats had been arrested for the international offence of hijacking and attempt bombing but were immediately released because the police fed them pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody. Initial moves to then return them to their own country were abandoned because it was feared they would face death by the mice.
The cats devise and start a scam to obtain money from peoples credit cards.
A Panorama special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of the squirrel's food, though spring is still months away, while the council house he is in, crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to maintain the house. He is shown to be taking drugs. Inadequate government funding is blamed for the grasshopper's drug 'illness'.
The cats seek recompense in the British courts for their treatment since arrival in UK.
The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a burglary to get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but released immediately because he has been in custody for a few weeks. He is placed in the care of the probation service to monitor and supervise him. Within a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in a botched robbery.
A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost £10,000,000 and state the obvious, is set up. Additional money is put into funding a drug rehabilitation scheme for grasshoppers and legal aid for lawyers representing asylum seekers is increased.
The asylum seeking cats are praised by the government for enriching Britain's multicultural diversity and dogs are criticised by the government for failing to befriend the cats.
The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose.
The usual sections of the press blame it on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes of despair arising from social inequity and his traumatic experience of prison.
They call for the resignation of a minister.
The cats are paid a million pounds each because their rights were infringed when the government failed to inform them there were mice in the United Kingdom.
The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the hijacking, the bombing, the burglaries and robberies have to pay an additional percentage on their credit cards to cover losses, their taxes are increased to pay for law and order and they are told that they will have to work beyond 65 because of a shortfall in government funds.
THE END
REST OF THE WORLD VERSION:
The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.
The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.
THE END
Love to all
T
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5 comments:
Not sure about the "rest" of the world....but the UK Version is alarmingly close to the USA's! Throw in a few politicians to blame the plight of the grasshopper on the current administration..and it'd be right on.
Good one! Thanks for sharing! Hope you got your "dance"....
As Always - KC
Yo Terry!
The Squirrel's problem was self-inflicted! If Squirrel had built a wall between Squirrel Land and Grasshopper Land this problem would never have occurred. Everyone knows Grasshoppers are lazy, criminally minded scoundrels, who steal jobs from Squirrels.
Now and again Squirrels do need some assistance and there are some Grasshoppers who should be given work visas to enter Squirrel Land to assist in housekeeping, landscaping, construction, agricultural, and child care duties. Close supervision must be kept on these Grasshoppers -- they have been known to try to meld into Squirrel society, but can be easily identified by their green color.
Sincerely,
Grasshopper
Dear Grasshopper,
The Uk has many squirrels from inside and outside the country, of many different hues.
The problem in my book is the homegrown grasshoppers. Maybe all of the grasshoppers come from outside in the US, but nothing I've seen would support that.
The wall seems to be built by grasshoppers who just can't stand the idea of squirrels coming and building a better life, and thereby showing them that they're lazy buggers. But I may be wrong.
send me an email on the profile page and tell me who you are!
Stay happy and healthy
Terry
Yo Terry!
Yeah, I did kinda forget to mention the homegrown Grasshoppers didn't I. Greetings from a homegrown Grasshopper in good standing! My comment was written during a moment of frustration having heard another individual saying "Grasshoppers don't deserve to be in Squirrel Land! Squirrels built this Land and we have to keep it safe for Squirrels only." They seem to forget that thousands of Silk Worms were brought to Squirrel Land to build our railroads, and thousands of Majestic Lions worked the Squirrel Plantations of the South, even when I was a child Grasshoppers worked in underground mining (with the explosives) and the Squirrels for the most part worked above ground (strange for Ground Squirrels don't you think - Ha Ha). Sorry, I digress. Anywho, thanks for giving me a soap box to air my frustrations over a very difficult and complicated matter. I have no answers, but building a wall would never have stopped the Westward migration in the US and a wall isn't going to stop hungry Grasshoppers when they know there are jobs to be had in Squirrel Land. The opinions of Squirrels in general are difficult to understand when you see derelict drug addicted Squirrels standing at intersections all over town begging for handouts (sometimes with children in tow). Yet the Squirrels pick on the Grasshoppers who converge in front of home improvement stores looking for work.
I will considering your offer to disclose my identity. I hesitate because anonymity is the great equalizer of blogging.
Yo Terry,
I may have spoken in haste! I transposed Squirrels with Grasshoppers! I read your entry in haste and immediately typed my comment -- I reread your entry and to my embarrassment I did mistake Squirrels for Grasshopper and visa versa.
Many apologies to the hard working Squirrels!
Ignore everything I said! My aged brain is to blame!
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