Courtesy of my sister:A police officer pulls over a speeding car.
The officer:
" I clocked you at 80 miles per hour sir."
The driver:
"Christ officer I had it on cruise control at 60. Perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating?'"
Not looking up from her knitting the wife says:
"Now don't be silly dear you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."
The officer writes out the ticket.
Driver looks over at his wife and growls:
"Can you please keep your mouth shut for once?"
The wife, smiling demurely:
"You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did."
The officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit.
Driver glowers and through clenched teeth:
"F*ck it woman, keep your mouth shut!!"'
The officer, frowning:
" I notice you're not wearing your seat belt sir. That's an automatic $75 fine"'
The driver :
"Yeah, well you see officer I had it on but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket."
The wife:
"Now dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."
The police officer begins writing out the third ticket.
The Driver barks at his wife:
"WHY DON'T YOU SHUT THE F*CK UP??"
The Officer:
"Does your husband always talk to you this way Ma'am?"
"Only when he's drunk."
2 comments:
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE),he wrote on a piece of paper, 'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.'
He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
TR-HW.
Jokes not to tell your mother...
TR-HW: What's the definition of living dangerously?
Mother: I don't know.
TR-HW: Getting a blow job from a cannibal.
Mother: What's a blow job??
Take care,
TR-HW
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