A police officer pulls over a speeding car.
" I clocked you at 80 miles per hour sir."
"Christ officer I had it on cruise control at 60. Perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating?'"
Not looking up from her knitting the wife says:
"Now don't be silly dear you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."
The officer writes out the ticket.
Driver looks over at his wife and growls:
"Can you please keep your mouth shut for once?"
The wife, smiling demurely:
"You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did."
The officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit.
Driver glowers and through clenched teeth:
"F*ck it woman, keep your mouth shut!!"'
The officer, frowning:
" I notice you're not wearing your seat belt sir. That's an automatic $75 fine"'
The driver :
"Yeah, well you see officer I had it on but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket."
"Now dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."
The police officer begins writing out the third ticket.
The Driver barks at his wife:
"WHY DON'T YOU SHUT THE F*CK UP??"
"Does your husband always talk to you this way Ma'am?"
"Only when he's drunk."